Dear 20-Year-Old Me,
It’s me—you—ten years in the future. We're about to turn 30, we have it all figured out now (just kidding). But we have learned a lot, and although I won't be giving away the plot, I’m here to share a few things that might make your journey a little easier. You probably think everyone at 30 has it all figured out. But trust me, it’s all a bit more chaotic than it looks from the outside. So, let's unpack some truths that will save you a lot of stress down the road, shall we?
Your Mistakes Won’t Break You
You’re going to mess up. Bad decisions, missed opportunities, placing trust in the wrong people and awkward texts you’ll wish you could unsend. But none of it is the end of the world. Mistakes aren’t evidence that you’re failing; they’re proof that you’re trying.
Take the lesson and keep moving. One day you’ll look back and realise those “disasters” were the foundation for some pretty solid growth.
Stop Apologising for Existing
You say “sorry” a lot. For having opinions, for taking up space, for asking if someone can pass the salt. Here’s the truth: you’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to set boundaries. And no, it doesn’t make you “difficult” or “dramatic.” It makes you a person who respects herself.
Practice saying, “No, thanks,” without following it with an essay of excuses. I promise it’ll save you so much time and energy.
People Will Come and Go
You will experience some profound heartbreaks and losses—not just in love, but in friendship, too. And you’ll realise that some people are only meant to be part of your story for a little while. At 20, you’re afraid of losing people, but at 30, you’ll understand that people coming and going is part of life’s ebb and flow.
Life Is Messy, and That’s the Fun Part
I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to wake up one day and have it all “figured out.” And honestly, you wouldn’t want to. The messiness is where the best stories come from—those last-minute decisions, unexpected twists, and hilarious mishaps.
Your Body Is Not the Problem
Stop overthinking your body—how it looks, what others might think, or whether it fits into a specific pair of jeans. Trust me, you’ll spend years wishing for one version of yourself, only to get there and wish for another. Your body will change over time, and that’s normal. Instead of chasing some “perfect” version, focus on feeling healthy and strong and enjoying life.
Success Will Look Different Than You Think
Right now, you’ve got this picture in your head of what “success” is supposed to be. It’s probably something like a multitude of qualifications, a high-paying job, a fancy home and boujee bags. While those things are great, they’re not the whole story. Success, as it turns out, is waking up and not dreading the day ahead. It’s finding work you like (most of the time), people who make life better, and little moments that feel like pure joy.
You’re Not as Lost as You Think
Sometimes you think you’re flailing, but really, you’re building. Every job you hate, every relationship that doesn’t work out, every seemingly random decision—it’s all adding up to something. Even the moments that feel pointless are giving you tools you’ll use later.
Trust me, you’re doing better than you think!
So, 20-year-old me, I won’t give you the winning lottery numbers, but I will tell you this: You’re going to be okay. Life won’t always go as planned, and that’s perfectly fine. You’ll grow, you’ll stumble, and you’ll thrive. Keep showing up for yourself, and remember—you don’t need to have it all figured out to be exactly where you need to be.
With love and a lot more wisdom than I had at 20, 30-Year-Old Me x
Writing a Letter to Your Younger Self
Writing a letter to your younger self is a powerful exercise in self-compassion and reflection. It allows you to recognise how far you've come, offer yourself support, and remind yourself of the strength you’ve always had within. This exercise taps into the concept of self-kindness (as described by Dr. Kristin Neff) and helps you reframe your past with a positive lens.
Instructions:
Find a Quiet Space Get comfortable in a place where you won’t be interrupted. You’ll need some time to reflect, so make sure you feel relaxed and at ease.
Set the Intention Take a few deep breaths and set the intention to approach this exercise with kindness. Think about the times in your life when you felt uncertain or overwhelmed.
Write the Letter Start by imagining yourself at a younger age—perhaps in your teens or early twenties. Now, write a letter from your current self to that younger version. Consider including the following:
Offer comfort: What would you say to reassure them? Let them know they are stronger than they think and that things will work out.
Acknowledge growth: Remind them of how much they’ve grown and the lessons learned along the way.
Share your wisdom: What advice would you give them about challenges they might face or ways to make things easier for themselves?
Give words of encouragement: Celebrate their resilience, courage, and the things they are doing right, even if they don’t know it yet.
Reflect on Your Writing After writing, take a moment to reflect on the emotions that came up. How does it feel to give yourself that love, reassurance, and perspective? What have you learned from revisiting your past self with compassion?
Optional – Keep the Letter!
If you’d like, keep the letter in a safe space where you can read it again whenever you need a boost. You can also return to this exercise over time and write letters to different ages of yourself.
Why This Works:
Writing to your younger self allows you to engage in self-compassion and self-awareness, two key practices in positive psychology. By giving yourself love and understanding, you rewire your brain to practice self-acceptance and reduce self-criticism. This exercise also fosters a growth mindset, where you recognize challenges as opportunities for learning and personal development.
Let this exercise be a reminder that no matter what you’ve faced, you are worthy of compassion and growth at every stage of your life. 💛
Resources: Books I wish I had read at 20
“The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now” by Meg Jay This book offers insightful advice on how to make the most of your twenties and avoid common pitfalls, especially when it comes to career, relationships, and personal growth.
“Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals” by Rachel Hollis A motivational guide for women who want to take control of their lives, achieve their goals, and stop apologising for wanting success and happiness.
“Untamed” by Glennon Doyle A powerful memoir that encourages women to break free from societal expectations and embrace their true selves with passion, power, and grace.
“Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear A helpful read on creating meaningful changes in your life.
“The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown A guide to embracing your imperfections, letting go of societal pressures, and learning to live authentically.
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