What is Self Love Anyway? A Therapist’s Take Beyond the Buzzwords
- Jenny Price
- Jun 25
- 5 min read

The wellness industry has turned self-love into a product, a quick fix, a catchy slogan. But as a therapist who works with real people struggling with all kinds of mental health and self-esteem issues, I want to offer a more grounded, honest perspective.
The Self Love Industry: What’s Missing?
First, let’s acknowledge the good. The explosion of self-love messaging has helped dismantle toxic ideas like perfectionism, constant productivity, and worthiness tied to achievement. It’s encouraging people to slow down, set boundaries, and practice kindness toward themselves. Which is great, of course!
But here’s the catch: self-love is not always pretty, Instagrammable, or easy. The wellness world tends to package it as soft, luxurious, and effortless: a scented candle and a bath bomb away from enlightenment ✨ The messy, difficult, and sometimes uncomfortable work behind genuine self-love is often glossed over or ignored.
What Self Love Really Looks Like
From a therapist’s lens, self-love is far more complex (and far more powerful) than a ritual or hashtag.
Self-love is a relationship. It’s how you treat yourself every day, especially in moments when it feels hardest. It’s the voice you use inside your head when you make a mistake, feel anxious, or fall short of your own expectations.
It’s not about being perfect or “always on.” It’s about allowing yourself grace in the hard times, even when it feels like you’re failing.
To me, self-love means:
Setting boundaries, even when it disappoints others or makes you feel selfish.
Giving yourself permission to rest without guilt, regardless of how much you’ve ‘done.’
Recognising your worth independent of productivity, appearance, or how ‘put together’ you seem.
Choosing self-compassion over self-criticism, even when your inner voice is loud and harsh.
Committing to growth, which often means sitting with discomfort rather than escaping it.
The Slow, Reluctant Work of Building Self Love
Self-love isn’t a magic pill you take once and then check off your list. It’s a practice. A process of building new habits, rewiring old thinking patterns, and learning to be your own advocate.
Think of it like strengthening a muscle. When you start, it might feel awkward, weak, or uncomfortable. Over time, with patience and consistency, it becomes easier and more natural.
For some, self-love might start as small acts, such as pausing to notice a negative thought and gently challenging it, or saying no to something they don’t want to do. For others, it’s much deeper work, sometimes requiring professional support.
3 Simple Self Love Practices to Try Today
To help you bring self love out of the Instagram feed and into your everyday life, here are three simple but powerful practices you can start now:
Check in with yourself daily:
Spend 2 to 5 minutes each day (morning or evening) tuning into your feelings without judgment. Ask yourself: How am I feeling right now? What do I need? Writing this down helps build awareness and compassion toward your inner world.
Set one gentle boundary:
Choose something small that protects your energy, like turning off notifications during meals or saying no to a request that drains you. Setting boundaries is a profound act of self-respect.
Talk back to your inner critic:
When you catch yourself thinking negative or harsh things, pause and respond as if you were talking to a good friend. This rewires your brain to be kinder and more supportive over time.
One Special Practice: Create Your Own Affirmation Cards
Inspired by the creative affirmation card workshop from our recent Self Love Sunday retreat, here’s a simple, nurturing activity you can try at home to spark your self-love practice.
What You’ll Need:
A journal or notepad
Small blank cards or thick paper cut into rectangles (about A6 size)
Coloures pens, markers, or coloured pencils
Stickers, washi tape, glitter, or any craft supplies you love
A quiet, cosy space for reflection and creativity
An empowering playlist
How to Do It:
1. Get the Kindness Rolling Start by thinking of someone you love or respect deeply. This could be a friend, family member, or even a mentor. Write a list of “You are…” statements about them, focusing on their strengths and qualities (e.g., “You are kind,” “You are brave,” “You are enough”). This helps open your heart and get the kindness flowing before turning inward.
2. Explore Your Inner Critic
Next, reflect on what your inner critic often says to you. Use prompts like:
What are the most common critical thoughts I hear in my mind? Can I write down the exact phrases or words?
When do these critical thoughts tend to show up most often - specific situations, times, or feelings?
How do these inner criticisms make me feel emotionally and physically? (e.g., anxious, tired, sad, tense)
What fears or worries might be underlying these critical voices? (e.g., fear of failure, rejection, not being good enough)
How do these negative messages influence the way I treat myself or others?
Can I identify where these messages might have come from? Are they echoes of things I’ve heard from family, friends, or society?
How realistic or fair are these critical thoughts? What evidence do I have that challenges them?
If a close friend spoke to me with these words, how would I respond to them?
What compassionate, supportive messages would I like to replace these critical thoughts with?
How would my life feel different if I believed those kinder messages?
Write freely - this helps you become aware of the stories you want to change.
3. Create Your Affirmation Cards
Using insights from your journalling, write affirmations on each card that respond directly to your inner critic’s messages. For example, if you often think, “I’m not good enough,” an affirmation could be, “I am worthy just as I am.” Decorate your cards with colours and designs that feel joyful and meaningful to you.
4. Use Your Deck Shuffle your cards and pick one each morning or whenever you need a boost. Spend a moment really feeling the words and letting them shift your mindset.
Why Self Love Matters
Cultivating self-love is foundational for mental health. It improves self-esteem, resilience, and confidence. It helps protect against burnout, anxiety, and depression. And it ultimately supports us in living more authentic, joyful lives.
But remember, this journey is personal and non-linear. Some days you’ll feel like you’re nailing it, other days you won’t. And that’s okay.
Self-love isn’t a destination. It’s a lifelong conversation with yourself. It's sometimes messy, often beautiful, and always worth it.
If you want to learn more about self love practices, you can:
Visit me Events page to find out about future retreats & workshops
Sign up for my weekly Wednesday Wellness email newsletter
Book a free consultation call for working 1:1
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