Why So Many Women Feel Behind in Their Thirties (And What to Do About It)

Ever looked around and thought, “Wait… shouldn’t I have figured this out by now?” If you’re in your thirties and feeling like you’re falling behind in life, you’re not alone!

In fact, this “I’m behind” spiral is one of the most common mental wellness struggles I see in women during this life stage. So let’s unpack why it happens, what's really going on underneath, and how you can shift out of the pressure and into peace.

Why the Thirties Hit Different

So much changes in your 30s, internally and externally, and it’s a perfect storm for anxious thoughts like:

“Everyone else is ahead of me.”

“I should be more successful by now.”

“I’m falling behind in life.”

But here’s the deal: There’s no universal timeline. The pressure comes from a mix of social comparison, old programming, and outdated definitions of success.

Let’s break it down:

1. The ‘Shoulds’ Are Loud

Most of us absorbed a “life plan” we didn’t even consciously choose. Think: Graduate by 21. House by 30. Married by 28. Six-figure job. Kids before 35. Fit, glowing, thriving... all at once.

But when real life doesn’t follow that script, shame and self-doubt can creep in.

Try this: Write down all the milestones you thought you’d hit by now, and then cross out anything that doesn’t actually align with who you are today. You’ll be surprised how many goals weren’t even yours to begin with.

2. You’re More Self-Aware Now (and That’s a Lot)

By your 30s, you’ve probably done some real reflecting - maybe through therapy, journaling, life experience, or just being thrown into the deep end. You’re more tuned in to your thoughts, patterns, and behaviours than you were a decade ago. That’s a good thing! Self-awareness is linked to better emotional regulation, decision-making, and relationships. Research in cognitive neuroscience shows that self-awareness activates the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reflection, empathy, and future planning.

BUT here’s the catch: the same circuits that support introspection can also fuel rumination - that exhausting loop of “Why did I do that?” or “Why am I not where I should be?”

So, with awareness can come overthinking, and sometimes, paralysis. You notice everything: what you haven’t done yet, what everyone else seems to be doing, and all the ways you feel like you’re “not enough.” Cue: the spiral.

🌀 You’re not imagining it! Your brain is processing more than it used to, and without the right tools, it can feel like emotional overload.

💬 Want to explore this more deeply? Book a free consultation call with me to chat about how therapy or hypnotherapy might help you move from spiralling thoughts to supportive self-awareness.

3. Social Media Fuels the Comparison Loop

Let’s be honest: you’re not comparing your life to reality. You’re comparing it to someone’s curated highlight reel. And that reel never shows the therapy appointments, hormonal crashes, or existential dread at 3am.

Remember: You’re not late, you’re just not editing your life for Instagram. (And if you are? No shame, just be aware of the difference.)

4. Hormones + Identity Shifts = A Lot

Even if you’re not navigating parenthood or menopause, your 30s can bring subtle hormonal shifts that impact mood and anxiety. Plus, your identity is shifting. You’re no longer a “young adult” - you’re making adult decisions with real consequences. This kind of transition can shake your confidence, even if everything on the outside looks fine.

So… How Do You Stop the Spiral?

Here’s the therapist-approved truth:

You don’t need to achieve more to feel better. You simply need to reconnect to your actual values, not the borrowed ones.

✅ Reclaim your own timeline. Ask yourself: If no one was watching, what would I truly want to focus on this year? Joy? Calm? Curiosity? Connection? Your life gets to revolve around those things too.

✅ Nourish your nervous system. You don’t need to hustle your way out of this feeling. You need to feel safe. Start with simple grounding tools, or join a MindFlow group hypnosis session to go deeper.

✅ Unpack the internalised “shoulds”. Many women I work with realise their stress comes from trying to meet someone else’s definition of success. Let’s rewrite that story together.

Let This Be Your Reminder

✨ You’re not behind.

✨ You’re not too late.

✨ You’re evolving - and that process is meant to be messy, nonlinear, and uniquely yours.

Ready to step off the timeline treadmill and reconnect with your own pace? Let’s talk - I offer online hypnotherapy sessions and therapeutic coaching for women just like you.