Let’s get real—most of us are so busy that finding time to focus on ourselves can feel impossible. But here’s the thing: having a good relationship with yourself is key to living a happy, balanced life. It’s about building self-respect, trusting your instincts, being kind to yourself when things go wrong, and prioritising your own well-being. If that sounds like a lot, don’t worry! We’re breaking it down into Six Pillars that make it totally doable, one step at a time. Literally!
What Are the Six Pillars of a Positive Self-Relationship?
These six pillars have been backed by research to help us develop a better relationship with ourselves. Each one plays a role in helping us understand, support, and even like ourselves more. Here’s a quick breakdown:
Self-Knowledge Self-knowledge means knowing your beliefs, values, strengths, and weaknesses. Research shows that being self-aware can help us make choices that are more aligned with who we are (Silvia & O'Brien, 2004). It’s the foundation for a strong self-relationship because it’s hard to love yourself if you don’t know yourself.
Self-Respect Self-respect is all about setting boundaries and honoring your needs. According to Orth et al. (2012), respecting ourselves—by setting boundaries, standing up for our values, and not settling for less—boosts our self-worth and makes us feel more grounded.
Self-Compassion Being kind to yourself, especially when things go wrong, is huge. Kristin Neff’s work (2003) on self-compassion shows that treating ourselves as we would a friend helps reduce anxiety and boost resilience. Basically, less self-blame, more self-love!
Self-Trust Self-trust is that inner confidence that you can handle life’s curveballs. Studies by Mikulincer (1997) show that when we trust ourselves, we’re less dependent on external validation. Trusting yourself allows you to navigate life with confidence and make choices that feel right for you.
Self-Care Self-care isn’t just bubble baths (though we’re fans!). It’s any action you take to keep yourself mentally, emotionally, or physically well. Research from Sirois et al. (2015) suggests that self-care improves mood, reduces stress, and enhances resilience. Think of it as an investment in yourself.
Self-Control Last but definitely not least, self-control is the ability to manage impulses and stick to your goals. Duckworth & Seligman (2005) found that people with better self-control tend to be happier, healthier, and more successful because they make choices that align with their long-term dreams, not just short-term desires.
The Self-Connection Walk: A Quick Activity to Build All Six Pillars
Now that you know the pillars, here’s a fun, quick activity to bring them to life: The Self-Connection Walk. This walk is your chance to take a few minutes for yourself, check in on each pillar, and feel a little more grounded. No writing or complex exercises—just a few steps and a bit of mindfulness.
How to Do the Self-Connection Walk
Start Walking 🚶♂️Find a place where you can walk quietly for 10-15 minutes—indoors, outdoors, whatever works.
Self-Knowledge Check-In: Start by noticing how you feel. Tired? Stressed? Happy? Just acknowledge whatever is coming up for you. This builds that “get to know yourself” vibe that self-knowledge is all about.
Self-Respect Reminder: Think of a boundary you want to reinforce today. Maybe it’s saying “no” to an extra task or carving out a little break time. Set an intention to respect that need, even if it’s just for today.
Self-Compassion Boost: Have a moment where you cut yourself some slack. If you’ve been hard on yourself, remind yourself that everyone messes up. Be your own friend—no judgment, just encouragement.
Self-Trust Affirmation: Think of one decision you’ve made recently that you feel good about. It can be small! Just acknowledge that you can trust your judgment. Give yourself a little mental high-five.
Self-Care Pause: As you walk, take a few deep breaths and let yourself enjoy the moment. Just being here is an act of self-care, and it’s worth appreciating.
Self-Control Commitment: Wrap up by thinking of one small action you’ll take today that supports a goal or value of yours. Visualize yourself doing it, knowing you’re making a choice for your future self.
And that’s it! You just spent 10-15 minutes embracing each of the six pillars. This quick walk can be your go-to anytime you feel off balance or just need a little reset. Taking this time to connect with yourself can make a huge difference, helping you feel more centered and supported.
Each of these pillars works together to build a strong, positive relationship with yourself. So the next time you feel stuck or stressed, remember: a quick walk and a few mindful minutes might be all you need to reconnect with who you are and what you truly need.
Happy walking, and here’s to building a better self-relationship one step at a time! 😊
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