Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many of us, it’s also a time when grief seems to hit a little harder. The twinkling lights, the joyful songs, and the gatherings with loved ones are all reminders of what’s missing. If you're grieving someone during the festive season, it’s completely normal to feel like you’re caught between the cheer of the season and the heaviness of your emotions.
The truth is, grief doesn’t take a holiday. And when you’ve lost someone important to you, the holidays can bring up feelings of sadness, loneliness, and even frustration. You might find yourself wondering how you’re supposed to be “festive” while navigating a landscape of emotions that feel far from merry.
I know that no amount of tinsel or fairy lights can replace what’s been lost, but there are ways to honour your grief, allow space for your emotions, and still find moments of peace during this time of year.
The Holidays Aren’t Always "Merry" — and That’s Okay
First things first: It’s okay to not feel “merry” at Christmas. There’s this societal expectation that everyone should be filled with joy and excitement, but for some, the holiday season can feel like a heavy weight. A lot of people feel isolated or sad when they’ve lost someone, especially when it seems like everyone around them is enjoying time with family.
A 2019 survey from Grief Recovery UK found that 58% of people reported feeling more sadness and loss during the holidays, especially when they saw others celebrating while they were mourning. These feelings can come from missing the presence of a loved one or from the weight of “traditions” that suddenly don’t feel the same without them.
What you’re experiencing is real. There’s no timeline for grief, and it doesn’t take a break just because the world around you is celebrating. It’s important to let yourself feel those emotions without shame. After all, grieving is a sign of love, and it shows just how much that person meant to you.
Navigating Grief and Finding Space for Yourself
The good news is that there are ways to honour your grief while still finding moments of peace and connection during the festive season. You don’t have to force yourself into a box that says you have to be “happy” just because it’s Christmas. It’s all about balance.
Here are a few things to keep in mind to help navigate the holiday season while grieving:
Allow Yourself to Feel
This may sound simple, but it’s so important: allow yourself to feel. Cry if you need to, laugh when it feels right, and give yourself permission to be sad when you miss that special person. Your emotions are valid, and it’s okay to acknowledge them.
Make Space for the Memory
It can be comforting to hold onto the memory of your loved one during the holidays. Maybe you light a candle in their honour, share a toast to them, or even tell funny or heartwarming stories about the times you spent together. Doing something that keeps their memory alive can provide a sense of connection, even when they’re no longer physically here.
Set Boundaries
Sometimes, the holiday season can feel like a whirlwind of events, obligations, and expectations. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to step back. You don’t have to go to every party or participate in every tradition. Set healthy boundaries that protect your mental well-being, and remember it’s perfectly fine to say “no” if you’re not up for it.
Create New Traditions (or Not)
If the idea of continuing with old traditions feels too hard, create new ones. This could be as simple as having a quiet evening to yourself or doing something you loved doing with the person you’ve lost. Alternatively, you may decide to take a break from some traditions altogether this year—there’s no rulebook that says you have to do things the same way every year.
Reach Out for Support
It’s easy to feel isolated in grief, especially when everyone around you seems to be celebrating. But don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether that’s talking to a friend, family member, or even a mental health professional, there’s no need to carry the burden alone.
A Simple Positive Psychology Exercise for the Holidays: The Memory Box
If you’re looking for a way to connect with your grief during this season, I love the idea of creating a memory box for your loved one. Take a small box and fill it with items that remind you of them—photos, keepsakes, notes, or anything that brings you comfort. You don’t have to do anything elaborate; it’s simply a way to give your grief a physical space to exist.
When you’re feeling sad or missing them, take a moment to go through the box. It’s not about moving on or “getting over” the grief—it’s about acknowledging it, honouring it, and letting yourself remember them in a way that feels safe and comforting.
Remember: You’re Not Alone
This holiday season, give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. Whether that’s sadness, nostalgia, or even moments of joy, there’s no right or wrong way to navigate grief. It's okay to take the season one day at a time and find solace in the small things that make you feel connected to your loved one.
And if you ever need a bit of guidance or support, know that I’m here to help. Grief can be an overwhelming and isolating experience, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Whether it’s talking through your feelings in a session or working together on how to navigate the festive season, I’m here to support you.
You’ve got this—and the memory of your loved one will always be a part of you, today and always.
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