
Let’s be real—after a long, exhausting day, sometimes all you want to do is curl up with your favourite comfort show, order a takeaway, and scroll until your brain melts. And honestly? Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need.
But here’s the thing… there’s a difference between self-love and self-soothing. And if we’re not careful, we can mistake quick fixes for actual care.
Let’s talk about it.
Self-Soothing: The Emotional Plaster
Self-soothing is anything that helps us get through a difficult moment. It’s the emotional equivalent of putting a plaster on a cut—it covers the wound, but it doesn’t heal it.
Examples?
Doom scrolling after a stressful day (because at least other people’s lives are a mess too, right?)
Netflix marathons that turn into full-fledged avoidance strategies
Impulse shopping—because retail therapy is still therapy, right?
That extra glass of wine because it takes the edge off
And listen, I’m not here to shame these habits. We all do them! Sometimes, we just need to survive the day, and that’s okay. But self-soothing can be like emotional junk food—it feels good in the moment, but it doesn’t always nourish us.
Self-Love: The Long Game
Self-love, on the other hand, is about making choices that support our well-being in the long run. It’s not always comfortable, and it’s definitely not always fun. But it’s the kind of care that your future self will thank you for.
Examples?
Nourish your mind with a book - here's a great collection collated by Waterstone's
Going to therapy or talking to someone instead of avoiding your feelings
Setting boundaries instead of saying yes to everything
Moving your body in a way you enjoy because it deserves to feel strong and supported
Journalling about your emotions instead of stuffing them down with snacks. Here's my favourite wellness journal to make this easy.
Getting enough sleep instead of pushing yourself to exhaustion
Practice mindfulness - here are some apps to try!
Reconnect with yourself with self-hypnosis - here's my guide to how
Self-love is often quiet and unglamorous, but it’s what actually helps us heal.
So… Are You Practicing Self-Love or Just Coping? Take the Quiz
Not sure if your habits are truly nourishing you or just helping you cope? Take this quick quiz to find out!
1. It’s been a stressful day. What’s the first thing you do when you get home?
A) Put on my comfies and check in with myself—maybe journal or do some deep breathing.
B) Collapse on the sofa, turn on Netflix, and zone out.
C) Scroll social media while snacking on whatever’s in the fridge.
2. When you’re feeling emotionally drained, how do you usually handle it?
A) I take time to process my emotions—maybe through therapy, movement, or meditation.
B) I distract myself with TV, food, or social media.
C) I push through and ignore it until it goes away.
3. How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake?
A) With compassion—I remind myself that I’m human and learning.
B) I criticise myself, but then distract from it so I don’t feel bad.
C) I get really down on myself and replay the mistake over and over.
4. What does your self-care routine mostly consist of?
A) Things that actually help me feel better long-term (like rest, therapy, movement, nourishing my body and setting boundaries).
B) Comfort-based habits, like watching shows, online shopping, or eating treats.
C) Wait… I’m supposed to have a routine?
5. When you’re upset, what’s your go-to move?
A) I check in with myself and figure out what I really need.
B) I immediately grab my phone or turn on a show to distract myself.
C) I pretend I’m fine and push through.
Your Results!
Mostly A’s: Self-Love Champ 💛
You’ve built strong self-care habits that truly nourish you. You’re aware of your emotions, listen to your needs, and make choices that benefit your future self. Keep going—you’re doing the work!
Mostly B’s: Self-Soothing Pro (But It’s Time to Go Deeper) 💙
You’re great at comforting yourself, but some of your go-to habits might be keeping you stuck. Try swapping out one self-soothing habit for something that nurtures you long-term. Small changes make a big impact!
Mostly C’s: Avoidance Mode 🚨
You might be running on autopilot, avoiding emotions instead of caring for yourself. It’s okay—we’ve all been there! Start small: take a few deep breaths when you’re stressed, or check in with what you really need. You deserve real self-love. 💛
Let’s do a little self-check-in. The next time you reach for a coping mechanism, pause and ask yourself:
1️⃣ Am I doing this because it actually nourishes me? Or just because it’s the easiest option?2️⃣ How will I feel afterwards—better, worse, or the same?
3️⃣ If I wasn’t afraid to sit with my emotions right now, what would I do instead?
If your coping strategy leaves you feeling drained, guilty, or still stuck in the same emotional loop, it might be self-soothing instead of self-love. And that’s your cue to explore other ways to support yourself.
How to Shift from Self-Soothing to Self-Love
If you’re realising you rely more on quick fixes than deep care, don’t panic. The goal isn’t to never self-soothe (that would be impossible and deprive us of some TV gold). The goal is to balance comfort with real healing.
Here’s how:
🌿 Replace one self-soothing habit with a self-loving one.
Example: Instead of stress-scrolling, take a short walk or do a 5-minute guided meditation.
🌿 Create a “Future Me” list. Write down things your future self would want you to do—like drinking water, stretching, journalling, cooking a nourishing meal or finally booking in with a therapist. When you’re tempted to check out, pick something from the list.
🌿 Practice mindful self-soothing.
There’s nothing wrong with watching movies or having a treat. Just do it mindfully—like taking time to actually enjoy your ice cream with all your instead of inhaling it while answering emails.
Final Thoughts: Be Kind to Yourself
Shifting from self-soothing to self-love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about slowly, gently choosing yourself in deeper ways. So the next time you’re debating between being a sofa goblin or showing up for yourself, just ask:"What would real self-love look like right now?"
And then? Take one tiny step in that direction. 💛
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