When Rest Feels Wrong

If you’ve ever found yourself folding laundry while on a 'break', mentally managing everyone else’s needs before your own, or wondering why rest feels sooo itchy and wrong, you’re not alone. Many women, especially those juggling business, caregiving, or leadership roles, have internalised a pattern called overfunctioning.

What is overfunctioning, anyway?

Overfunctioning isn’t just being “busy” or caring deeply. It’s a well-worn pattern that often starts early.

The child who learns to take care of others before themselves, grows up to become the adult who is always the one fixing, organising, anticipating, smoothing over, saying yes, doing the thing... often while quietly running on fumes.

Overfunctioning looks like:

• Doing things for others that they could (and should) do themselves

• Feeling shook when someone else drops the ball

• Being really bad at resting unless it's “earned” (it never is)

• Feeling secretly resentful… but guilty about that too

• Always feeling like the designated adult in every room

And while it might win you praise for being “the reliable one” 🏆 it often comes at the cost of your own nervous system.

Why rest can feel threatening

For many women I work with, especially those running businesses, raising humans, or leading teams, rest doesn’t just feel unfamiliar, it feels unsafe. Why?! Because overfunctioning is a form of anxiety management. When we’re busy, we don’t have to sit with the messy stuff: the uncertainty, the self-doubt, the ache of being human.

But rest isn’t selfish. Or indulgent. Or something you have to earn by dragging yourself across the burnout finish line.

It’s your body’s basic maintenance system. You can’t keep doing life without it. (You’ve tried. It’s exhausting.)

So if you’re tired, not just sleepy but soul-weary, it’s not because you’re lazy or failing. It might be because you’ve been carrying way more than anyone sees… for way too long.

Try this CBT-inspired reflection exercise to shift out of overfunctioning mode:

🧠 Catch the Thought

Notice when your mind goes, “I should do more” or “I’ll rest after everything is done.”→ Try: “Ah, there’s that thought again. I notice it, but I don’t have to follow it.”

🔍 Challenge the Rule

Ask yourself:

• Is this belief helping me or hurting me?

• What would I say to someone I love in this position?

• What would happen if I did 10% less today?

🌿 Choose a Micro-Rest

Pick something tiny, doable, and kind:

• Lie down and breathe slowly for two minutes

• Step outside and let the sun hit your face

• Do absolutely nothing for the length of one song

→ Then say to yourself: “Right now, I’m choosing restoration over pressure.”

✨ 4. Celebrate the Shift

At day’s end, reflect:

• What did I let go of today?

• What gave me a flicker of energy?

• How did I show myself care?

If this resonated and you’re ready to explore a gentler, more sustainable way of being, you can:

📩 Join my Wednesday Wellness email newsletter for a weekly under 3-minute read that includes tools, reminders, and reflections that support your mental wellbeing.

🧠 Book a free consultation to explore how 1:1 therapy or hypnotherapy could help you shift out of overfunctioning and into a life that feels calmer, clearer, and more yours.

🌀 Need something to ease anxious thoughts right now?

This hypnotherapy audio is designed to support you whenever you need a moment of calm.